New discoveries.

I keep photo records of moles so that, instead of freaking out when I think I have a new one, I refer to the photos.  I did this yesterday, and instead of peace of mind, I ended up a bundle of nerves.  Not only do I have one new mole, there is also one that has risen.  Oh crapola!  Thankfully I have my next hospital appointment in just a few days time, so will be showing them and am assuming that off they will come.  And then the wait for the rest results will begin.  I am not a patient person, and the waiting time agitates me. 

I did well yesterday.  Instead of sitting around dwelling on it, I loaded up with sunscreen and a hat in order to mow my mothers lawn.  It helped.  It was a much needed distraction.  And then everything went to shit.  It turns out I cannot do a jungling act with making dinner, loading auctions online, putting washing away and tending to a toddler.  So much for being woman.  Paul came home from work and I was cranky.  I showed him the moles and the photos, then proceeded to be a Bitch for a while.  I realised it was just fear, and managed to calm down and talk rationally to my ever so patient partner about what I was feeling.  He understood why I was feeling scared and angry, but he couldn't understand what I was actually going through.  All he can do is be supportive, which he is amazingly good at. 

My family and alot of friends are pretty awesome with me, but why is it that when going through this kind of crap, some people tend to back away or just pretend it doesn't exist?  Is it easier for them to not acknowledge that big scary word, Cancer?  Or is it that they just don't know how to act?  Or maybe it is fear?  I have friends, who claim to love me and consider me a close mate, and not once have they asked how I am or how things are going for me in regards to the whole Cancer nightmare.  One thing about getting diagnosed with a horribly nasty disease is that you find out who your true friends are.  And those are the ones who are worth keeping.

I also know people who, even though they see what I go through, STILL love to tan!  Is it really worth the risk?  Is it not better to be pale and healthy, rather than being tanned and scarred?



I read the following sentence online a few days ago and it stuck.  "What truly sucks about melanoma is that it is a tricky and unpredictable disease.  You can never say never with it.  It can come back after 5-30 years.  So when other cancer survivors are considered cured, this is not the case with Melanoma."

Sometimes, I wish that if I had to be diagnosed with a Cancer, it could of at least been a curable one.

So, We may be able to survive Melanoma, but we will never be cured.  And we will never know whether or not it will come back to haunt us.  All we can do is live just one day at a time.  And believe me, that is easier said than done at times like this.