Neverending.

I have always known that cancer not only affects the diagnosed person, but the people surrounding that person.  It hit home this morning when Paul admitted that his greatest fear is losing me and having to raise our son alone.  He knows he would be surrounded by family but he would still be the solo parent. Just him and Wyatt.  I tried putting myself in his shoes, and if it were the other way around I would be just as scared.  I would feel helpless and out of my depth.  Being the person with stage 2 Melanoma is a bitch.  But, those that have to stand by and watch a loved one go through it finds it just as hard.  Just for different reasons.  And Paul is certainly finding it hard watching me go through the pain I am in right now, as he is unable to do a damn thing and it frustrates him to no end.

I ended up at the doctors this morning due to horrible crippling pains throughout my arm, wrist, hand, fingers and thumb, which has lasted the past 4 days.  I have endured this before and thought it was over, but it has come back to haunt me.  It could be nerve damage from my Lymph Node Biopsy, where they could of accidently nicked a nerve or damaged something.  I was prescribed Tramadol for the pain, but when Paul gave the Chemist my script, he was told that it would not be a good idea to take this as it could, combined with the antidepressants I am on, have a toxic reaction.  Yep, sounds just bloody awesome.  So, we went away while they interacted with my doctor about what I could be put on to help the pain and swelling.  Once we returned, they had it sorted.  I was given antibiotics just in case of infection in the arm and some paracetamol/codine tablets aswell as some ibprofen.  As it happens, I can only take ibprofen if really needed and not for long term as they can also have a bad reaction with my antidepressants.  Apparently the lovely happy pills have reactions with alot of things and makes me quite, as the Chemist put it, tricky.

So, I have pain from a surgery that was needed to figure out my stage with the cancer and there is little that I can do about it.  Well, this just keeps getting better and better.
When I was first diagnosed with Melanoma, I honestly thought it would be a simple cure of cutting it out and that be it.  Was I ever so wrong.  I have had trips to a specialist, the hospital, my GP and even Mental Health (to talk about the fears etc).  I have had surgeries, Catscan, a hospital stay, numerous skin excisions/biopsies and it still is not the end.  It never will be the end.  I will always be a stage 2 Melanoma chick, and I will have to have more excisions, but I can live with that if it means I never visit stages 3 upwards and if it means I never have to hear those ugly words again "You have, what they call, a very nasty cancer".

May remission be where I always live. And for a very long time.