I wonder what people's reaction times would be if they knew about the most disturbing, random and unwelcome thoughts that invaded my head were. I finally found the courage to tell my therapist about some of these fucked up thoughts and she assured me that about 60% of the population have them.
Have you noticed it is spelt "the-rapist"? Strange. Although, I guess they are people trained to "rape our minds" as such. They would certainly be able to mind-fuck their patients if they so desired I am assuming.
Anyways, back to the disturbing thoughts. I also told my partner some as they popped into my head and he was abit weirded out, and it takes alot to disturb him. My answer to this was saying to him "Well, try being the one having the fucked up visions". I don't want them, and I most certainly would never act on them. Apparently they are thoughts of curiousity, and perfectly normal. What the hell is normal? I sometimes wonder if maybe the people with severe mental health issues and trapped in their own worlds were the sane ones and the ones, such as myself, living in the so-called real world are crazy and this isn't really reality but we are trapped here while our bodies are elsewhere?
And no that is not one of the random disturbing thoughts I have, just a random one. Can I write here some of my thoughts? Hell NO! Oh ok, maybe it will help others who have similiar thoughts realise they are not alone. But I shall only mention a couple of very tame ones as I am abit scared about what people will think. I will mention the ones that most people supposedly have.
One thought I have alot is that sometimes when the phone rings at work, I think it is someone calling me to tell me that my partner and son have been killed in a car accident.
Another is that sometimes I wonder what the damage would be if I were to drive into a truck. Surely I wouldn't be hurt that much? Surely I would survive?
Friends dying, family hurt, animals in pain. The list seems neverending. These thoughts are NOT welcomed, and I would NEVER act on them, but it does make me feel very alone and very much like a total nutcase.
