Melanoma sucks.

What the hell?!

Where the fuck has all this anger and resentment come from?  It became so incredibly overwhelming today that the tears arrived and they just would not stop flowing!  I am angry that my neighbour is a shit mother.  I am angry that a workmate is a horrid backstabbing bitch.  I am angry at companies wanting to bleed me dry.  I am angry that there is never enough money to pay everything in one week.  I am angry at the world.  But what really pisses me off more than anything is never going just one day without thinking about that horrid C word.  You think I mean Cunt don't you?  Well, it would be awfully strange if I thought about that every day.  The most dreaded word in the world for me now is Cancer.  It is the one word that brings an array of emotions to the surface.  Everything from fear to anxiety to rage comes flowing out and I hate it.  I hate having that word pop into my head every goddamn day of my fucking life.  I hate not being able to "just move on and think positive".  If only it were that bloody easy.  Even though it has now been just over a year since they first cut into me, the Cancer still has the ability to rule my life.  I do try and push it aside, but it is a stubborn bitch and likes to dance around in my head tormenting me from time to time.  Right now is one of those times.  Stupid fucking thoughts and emotions.  What I really hate is people saying that they can only imagine what it is like.  Imagination is not that extendable to be able to have even the slightest bit of understanding as to what someone like me is feeling.  Unless you have ever been told that you have Melanoma, you cannot possibly have any inkling of the fear and resentment that I feel at times.

I have a Mental Health appointment tomorrow, my first one in a few weeks.  I have no idea if I can find the words to express what is going on in my head, but I know I need to try.

There is a girl that I work with who thinks she is an expert on parenting, yet she is not and never has been a parent.  It annoys the hell out of me when she goes on about babies and parenthood when in reality she really has no bloody idea what it is like.  Well, that is what it is like when people who have never been diagnosed with Melanoma think that they know what I am going through.

You haven't a fucking clue.