Life as I know it.

I have no idea how often I will sit in front of this screen and type away, it all depends on my state of mind and whether or not life allows me time to do so. There will be times I talk about Melanoma or being a first-time parent and there will be times I yabber on about life in general and depression. Hell, there may be times I make fuck all sense or leave the reader confused. I do use words that some may find offensive so if words such as fuck, retard or shithead offend you, then there is a simple solution and that is to go elsewhere and read some lovely delusional blogs about boxes of fluffies and flying piggy's in the sky.


Sunday, 15 January 2012

I walked away. With already feeling like I had been hammered into the ground, the last thing I needed was to have my face being torn apart and my hair pulled by an 8 month old lil shit.

At first it was all ok but after a while I could feel myself getting frustrated.  It was more to do with the horrid over-tiredness than anything else but the last thing I wanted to do was get more flustered while dealing with my child who was also in dire need of sleep. So, I did the right thing and safely tucked him into his cot and walked away. Well fuck me, the bugger got comfy and dozed off.  Nice for some!

I felt horrible leaving him and going to the other end of the house to get my thoughts sorted, and guilty because I was nearing the end of my rope and was unable to be the perfect Mummy and just deal with everything including the annoying child. I know it is the best thing to do when in that situation and I know it is better for baby to be safe than to have a pissed off parent, but there was still that slight feeling of failure happening which sucked. I felt like I was supposed to be Super Woman and be able to fit work, household chores and a baby all into one day, every day. So, when am I allowed some "me" time? Is it ok to have this sort of time or is it selfish to want it? Is sleep considered this? Well, if so, I am shit out of luck as sleep and I are morbid enemies. Sleep likes to play hide and seek with me alot. It hides, I seek, I catch, it gets away and then this repeats all over again.  Stupid vicious circles. 

There are fucktards out there who actually do put themselves first and foremost, before their kids, at all times.  Even if it poses risks.  That I could never do.  Yes, there are times that I put myself first, but is that not normal?  Surely it must be ok to do for yourself at times, so long as there is no endangerment for anyone?  If we didn't have some time-out would we not then go more crazy

So my conclusion is that being selfish is ok at times, so long as everyone is safe and nobody is being put in harms way.
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